The Packing News
a weekly column

This week's topic: The art of packing. Bet you didn't know that packing proceeds in rounds or stages. It's like the way an artist roughs out a painting and then fills in the details. So it is with packing. You go through the basics one time, then progressively touch it up until it's time to leave. When the packing is finished, the suitcase and travel pack together are a work of art.

Now this art, like all art, has its critics. The New York Times packing critic recently roundly bashed the packing at Kennedy Airport. "It was as if two thousand years of packing history meant nothing to these people. The
bulging waste lines of packer and packee alike were at times grotesque." But one suitcase combination caught his eye. "Amidst all this rubble, there were a few gems to be seen. One master packer had a suitcase and briefcase that fit perfectly through security, their proportions in tact. When I asked to see what he had inside, the order and completeness of it all took my breath away. The artistry spoke of harmony and economy of line, with an occasional dash of bold color (a pair of socks or tie) to stand in contrast. Here is a packer to
be reckoned with."

Now the greatest packer of all time, of course, is God. Take the ink from any of the letters on this page and unravel it and what do you find? Millions upon millions of molecules. Take the molecules apart and there are atoms neatly arrayed. And within these are packed untold numbers of protons, neutrons, electrons, quarks and a thousand other particles that the fashionable god wouldn't be caught without. Managing to put positively charged protons together in the atom's core may be the greatest packing accomplishment of all time. The universe is packed beautifully, layer after layer from the small to the very large, until it is all filled up. Now some packing cosmologists disagree and complain about all the wasted space. Dr. Edrith L. Whackold put it this way: "The space between planets and stars and galaxies is enormously inefficient and leads one to believe that either God cares little for the beauty of packing on this scale, or he is somehow powerless to exert his influence here." These and other classic controversies will be thoroughly addressed at this year's conference: "Packing away another Year" to be held in, where else, Pakistan.

In other news, we packed away yet another friend and colleague in the passing of Dr. Wheatleaf Chambers of Ackhold University. "Wheatees," as his friends called him, was Professor of Packing at Ackhold for nearly 40 years and had authored such well know classics as: "The History of Packing," "Packing
under Fire: stories of determination and courage from the field," and "Park it, Pluck it, and Pack it: The story behind the packing revolution in frozen chicken." He will be sorely missed.

So send us your letters and questions. And look for us on line at www.seriouspacker.com

Next week: Packing stories from the animal kingdom: Rats and Alpacas.